I live until the day i die.

yesterday i went with three of my best mates to the cinema.
we ended up watching The crazies instead of Shutter island.
basically,beidy and i were the only ones screaming.
afterwards we had lunch/dinner at McDonalds and then i got
pushed around in a Target cart in the rain,with the full
moon in the sky,and the moonlight shinning upon us.
when i got home i cuddled up in the couch with
a blanket and i started reading the Witchcraft comic,which
blew my brains.it was KILLER,i really do love my greek mythology.
a current dilemma of mines is my room...
i finally gave in to the idea of painting it and "remodeling" it a bit.
i dunno if i should go for the colour "crimson" or "midnight blue"?!?!?!
both colours are beautiful,just dunno which one to settle for.
and this one section of our wall is going to consist of framed portraits of
greek gods,The Endless,saints (including saint scream :3 )and in memory of my
gran dad,i am also putting up arch angel Rafael.
and on our ceiling is going to be full blown insanity.
it's going to have tons of quotes,lyrics,and sayings in the different
languages that i speak.got a bit inspired from the wall that is
in the Killing Loneliness video by HIM.
sounds pretty ambitious,but i'll get it all done during my spring break.
since i'm not able to leave to a foreign country,JUST YET!!!!!!!
since i have to wait 'til i'm done with college (next year)
so in the meantime,since i love change,i'm remodeling the room.
and of course i will still have some HIM posters up...their just
going to be framed,to make it look more "clean"


xoxo

there are certain people you just keep coming back too.

in our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair
and goes on sleepwalking past hope.
all is lost in this was war.
and all we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song.

i should be in my observational art class right now.
but instead i am at home since the train was way too late.
today was going to be the first day that we had to draw a nude model.
a lady...i think in two weeks we're going to draw a guy.
which i am not anticipating for so many reasons.
i'm not ready to see a guys snail.
anyways,now i am listening to HIM-in the arms of rain,while my dad
is trying to "create" something.
i am so grateful that i have two parents that have so much
imagination and creativity,now i know where i got my mentality from.

i'm pretty excited for the new Daniel Lioneye album that
comes out on 27 April :)
their first and last album came out in 2001,it's been too long.
and now their back,without Ville in drums and Mige in bass.
but at least Burton is in keyboards.
really proud of Mikko Linstrom (Linde,Daniel Lioneye)
he's always been the enigma figure of the band.
i have only heard him speak once and that's it.
the introverted mute that lets his guitar do the crying
and talking.i am truly proud of him.


xoxo

Say goodbye to sunshine,sunshine.

never did i think i would see the day
that i would cry so much during an episode of skins.
after a night of crying myself to sleep,
and having a dreadful morning,thanks to what happened to me dad.
Freddie's episode blew me away...
i can't even begin to say how killer luke pasqualino and kaya scodelario's performance was.

and now to cheer this lass up.
i am going to watch the new episode of the dudesons.
'cos whenever i have a bad day or mood...
they always end up making me cry from too much laughter.


xoxo

Turn to page 43 and you'll know how i feel...

"have you ever been in love?horrible,isn't it?it makes you so vulnerable.it opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.you build up all these defenses.you build up this whole armor,for years, so nothing can hurt you,then one stupid person,no different from any other stupid person,wanders into your stupid life.you give them a piece of you.they don't ask for it.they do something dumb one day like kiss you,or smile at you,and then your life isn't your own anymore.love takes hostages.it gets inside you.it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness,so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.it hurts.not just in the imagination.not just in the mind.it's a soul-hurt,a body-hurt,a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.nothing should be able to do that.especially not love.i hate love."

metaphorically speaking,when i was younger i was the "Tom".'til i realized
that love never lasts.so i was then the "Summer".i swore to myself that i
would never say "i love you" unless i meant it.felt it.
my motto was always:
"never been in love 'til the day i die,and rock n'roll is
gonna keep me alive."
music was the only thing that i ever loved passionately.
little did i know that this year i would be saying those three words.
i never knew that once you said that,that it would be like giving
your soul away,or a big chunk of yourself.
love really is beautiful,but it also has its ugly sides.
it's painful,it shows no mercy,deceiving,and manipulative.
it's insane how words that a person tells you can change your life.
i never wanted to feel this way,but i am after all a human.
i have always been afraid of falling in love 'cos
i knew that if i were ever to commit myself to someone,that they
wouldn't commit themselves to me.and they would hurt me by leaving
like every other person that i cared for.
indeed it is like being underwater.
i will never take back the words i said.
'cos words are all i have...


a cynic like me should never be allowed to love someone like you...



xoxo

You'll never see me again,so now who's gonna cry for you?!?!

"you never heard me break your heart,you didn't wake up when we died.
since i was lonely from the start i think the end is mine to write.
forever and ever,life is now or never.
forever never comes around.
people love and let go.
forever and ever,life is now or never.
forever's gonna slow you down."

so today i had my fundamentals of construction class,which
as always is pretty dandy.
we are now working on a blouse for our finals.
i hope i do well,aaaaand today i got my mid-term bag and i got an A-
i actually thought i would do horrible.
after class,the train ride with melanie was filled with laughter and stories.
when i took the second train i started listening to my zune,
and honestly,i have been listening to the new HIM album non-stop since
it came out on myspace.when i finish listening to it i have to start
it over again!!!insane and ridiculous i know.
but music speaks to me.
it's sincerely beautiful,especially when it inspires you
to become a better person,or to do something you would never
have the heart to do.
i've mentioned it already,i dunno how many times.
but i really do miss the spring.i've been yearning.
that's why i chose the two pictures at the top,both were taken in the spring.
and not just that but i get to see HIM again in the spring time :)
how lovely!

in the mood to change something about your place?thinking that maybe it's time for a little redecorating?or are you considering something a bit more drastic,such as moving to a foreign country?whatever it is,ignoring it won't help.you need to be happy where you are,and if you're feeling antsy and restless,you're not happy.do whatever it takes.

i am not one that opens up to people real easily.
i somewhat feel like they have to earn it.
i always hide my emotions,but never pretend to be someone else.
this is the only way i know how to be,ever since i was
a little girl,i always thought that i was weird,and too different from
everyone around me.so it was always me an my journals,or me and my thoughts.
dunno why i always get surprised when i read my horoscope.
but it just seems to read me,the way i'm feeling and what i'm desiring.
whenever i read it,i tend to feel comforted 'cos i feel like "someone" knows me.
hehe it's bloody ridiculous,but true.

my hair in the sunlight...
and if you guys want to know anything about me or other stuff,or
want "advice" (which i'm no good at) xD just ask me...i'll try not to bite <3

p.s. always wanted to give every person at least one sentence.
instead of giving them bits and pieces of me.
we'll see how that journey ends up for me.

xoxo

Reminded only by the saddest lullaby,that was whispered.

Once upon a time,a child heard a line that moved her.the child never grew,the line it came true.

I am somewhat anticipating spring.
as much as i adore the winter,i have so many memories in the spring
that mean the world to me.
i've been listening to Toploader this whole morning and
The Scandinavian music group.
it eases my mind for a while,and i have to stay positive.

xoxo