I don't know you,and i don't want to.

My mood is such rubbish today.
i could seriously just sleep forever.
i don't want to be here right now,i'm quite exhausted and
my head is full blown in the clouds.
this class is so boring :/
i feel homesick!!!!
can't wait 'til 5 to get out of here and head home in the train.
it's really cleansing for me;in a sense,wandering in my thoughts while listening to music
and aimlessly staring at strangers.
i wouldn't have it any other way.
soon as i go home i'm going to shower or take a bubble bath,and
hit the mattress.i'm a mute today;when aren't i?,such an introvert.
but still i'm not talking to anyone,i don't feel like it.
it's one of those days.

xoxo

I am here to stay,roaring with the wind...there's life within.

Today is a windy day :)
i absolutely woke up late for school and didn't do anything to my hair...
well the wind styled it a bit for me.
i took a couple of pictures with my finland flag in dedication
to the lovely men that i miss dearly.
so i can't wait for this saturday,i am going to eat sushi with my long time
friend...or as i would like to call him davidtelo.These are the sequin shorts i wore to the HIM show last friday,with leggings of course.
and with a different shirt also.
i LOVE them,their so comfy and sparkly.
yeah,as you can tell i was in a mood to take loads of pictures.
i came home from school giddy and happy...thank you Ville <3
ugh,a bad thing about today is mum keeps asking me questions!!!!
"how was your day?" "do you know where this is?" "Did you get me that fabric?"
"i love your soft hair" "can i get that?"
aaaaaaaaaaaaah!can't people get that i love being alone,don't bother me!!!
bloody hell i'm such a prude,but i truly don't like being bothered
by my mum,she asks the most ridiculous questions.
i can go from being happy to angry and annoyed 'cos of her.
school is the same everyday,my days are always the same.ALWAYS THE SAME!
yes i did this,got you that,okay,uuugh.
i need to relax hahaha mum!
but overall;so far,my day is going great.
i just don't want to think about classes tomorrow 8-5 -____-
it always puts me in the worst mood.but at least their fun classes,
and at least this quarter i didn't get a saturday class.
so i think tonight i'm going to officially move Sidley into my bedroom.
she wasn't allowed in their by my parents for obvious reasons;asthma and allergies.
but i don't care,she belongs in my chamber,my solace,my privacy :)

Toivottavasti kaikki on ottaa hyvä päivä
xoxo

You're hiding yourself away from our cruel world's embrace.

Woke up with a ton of inspirations this evening.
let's just say changes are coming :) i do love CHANGE.
i am glad that i only have a little bit of homework for patternmaking class.
bad thing about today is that i woke up craving wonton soup.this young flower is my "little" sister Meli/Missy.
this was a couple of weeks ago when she was planting tomatoes and sunflowers
in the garden we have.
a thing i always noticed about her was that cute little nose of hers.
i always wanted that,and still do.
she's too pretty,and i would give anything to look like her,BUT
i am ME and that's the only person i am used to seeing in the mirror,and
the only one i'd prefer seeing.
everyone looks different,and i've accepted my flaws.
whether i like them or not i would never consider getting surgery on my face
or body,i look this way for a reason >.> MUM and DAD!! :)
i mean i also completely stopped dying my hair;it's a la natural,
i don't wear tons of makeup like i used to.
why hide your face?
the only time i would wear a lot of eyeliner or makeup is either
for Halloween or for taking pictures,but besides that
i'm okay with what i have.
no dispongo de más,voy a estar para hacer frente a todo.
voy a luchar por cada respiración hasta que no queda nada de nosotros.
te necesito para creer en mi.

p.s.i love speaking different languages :)

xoxo

I’m sure any flaw will turn out beautiful.

Dunno how i am feeling today.
or maybe i do but i just don't want to confront it.
sometimes i hate confronting my feelings or giving in to them 'cos
it gets the best of me.
maybe finally it's sinking in.that i won't see my finns in years again.
i hate being clingy to something that doesn't belong to me 'cos it hurts more than anything.
feels like you won't see the light of day again,
they carry this beautiful,loving,shinning aura that i need.
i love them so much,and it hurts.
nothing should be able to do that,but they do and i don't give a shite.
i'll let them hurt me over and over again,i do not mind.
'cos i love them that much,they'll be the cause of my demise.
This emptiness i've made my home,embracing memories of dreams long gone.
one last caress of love is all i want underneath the cyanide sun.

There's nothing new in me.
i'm still the same.
same mind,same heart,same woman.

xoxo

There are some things that can't be understood.

Dreams Do Come True!I felt a complete genuine happiness on Friday.
at the signing i not only go to meet the five men that i owe my life to,
but i also got to meet The Dudesons (Jarppi,Jukka,Jarno,and HP)
they are such sweet,lovable men.
they really do love their fans.i still can't believe i got to meet them and
tell them what they mean to me...or at least half of what they
mean to me.it's just insane that i got to meet most of the finns
that i wanted to,my list will grow haha.
after the HIM concert i also got to see Jonny Radtke;ex-gutarist,from Kill Hannah.
now i've been waking up happy and i feel this complete relief in me :)
i have complete hope.Dreams do come true.
you may go through a lifetime of disappointments and pain,
but at the end it will all pay off.
you just have to have hope,whether it's a drop of it;like i did,but
it all works out.
i woke up with the surprise that my Finland flag finally came :D
it's a couple of inches taller than me.
it's something i needed for the renovation my room is soon going to be going through.
i also have to buy lots of frames for some photos i will be hanging up.
going to also put my signed St.Scream print in a frame.
and me dad is going to make me a REALLY huge one for my HUGE Ville poster.
and the rest of the band members are going to have their own frames as well.

xoxo

Is it so hard to believe our hearts are made to be broken by love.

This is a "What's in your bag?" post
never done one of these but i wanted to do one for the HIM concert tomorrow.
afterwards we're all heading to my sister's apartment.and the next day
is my dad's birthday,so it's going to be a wicked weekend :)I made that bag out of scratch haha.
it was my midterm for my sewing class,and i got an A on it.
did lining and straps and there are no raw edges.it was machine sewn
and the buttons were hand-sewn,also used the over lock machine.
it's REALLY huge,you can fit a ton of stuff in their,which is why i love it.
sooo here i go.
-my HIM biography and Venus Doom Limited Edition.
-my pink cherry blossom makeup bag(clutch)only the basic makeup.
-lip marker in red.
-lip tricks lipstick(looks green but is pink when applied)
-liquid eyeliner.
-a cupcake lip balm in raspberry.
-blush stick.
-DKNY mirror.
-HIM necklace.
-rosary,keys,pepper spray,hand sanitizer.
-eye drops for allergies.
-inhaler.
-kit cat tin where i keep hair clips,guitar pics,and pills.
-pearl headband.
-St.Scream print:for them to sign;of course,haha.
-black forever 21 leggings.
-HIM shirt.
-pretty in peach deodorant.
-Japanese cherry blossom body spray.
-black beanie and teal beanie,my wallet.
and of course my camera,phone,charger,toothbrush,sweater,zune,and a couple of
other stuff.

xoxo

She is smiling like heaven is down on earth,and the sun is shinning so bright on her.

For the first time in a long time i felt accomplished,or satisfied.
my sister told me to be the optimist that i am,so i did.
on my quiz for intro to fashion industry i got an A on it.
for my homework for fundamentals of design i got an A as well.
seemed like everything was going well,when in reality i hope for the worst
here's the thing.whenever i get my hopes high and actually have hope things never
go the way i would have wanted them to.
so that's why at times i am a pessimist.i usually think it's all the years of karma.
anyhooo,so the one thing that i was hopeless about was actually getting two
wristbands to meet HIM this friday (me and my sister)
so i was going to the place in a hurry 'cos i had the feeling that they weren't
going to be available anymore.so when i asked the gal she said yes and i happily
purchased two HIM shirts to get them :)
sometimes i need to trust myself,and hope that things will go well.
i've just had a lifetime of let downs that i feel like all negativity surrounds me.
and for once i feel like all this pain and hard work has paid off and is worth it.
dreams DO come true!and now i am an exhausted,tired little gal.
all that running around was worth it!
i deserve some rest.but tomorrow is a new day filled with homework and sewing.

xoxo

Hold me closer tiny dancer.

when i was little i always aspired to be a ballerina.
i wanted that to be my career;that or a figure skater.
i just loved the grace and the poise.
i would always dance around the house and remember telling my brother to lift me up :)
my mum was going to sign me up for classes,but i was too timid,and
decided that i didn't want to do it.
so instead i was "self-taught" whether if it was checking out books from
the library or movies that showed me how to do the basics.
so my mum would give me and my little cousin lessons in our dining room.
and sometimes my older sister would help me.
it is a memory that i always cherish.i learned a lot,i think i was born flexible.
i can form my body,make any position,and i'm comfortable with it.
dance is in my blood,i do it everyday :)
for my fourteenth birthday my mum was finally going to sign me up
to ballet classes,but when the day came...i was still too shy xD
regardless,i still dance around the house.yoga is a good friend as well ;)
i don't see myself as a beautiful,graceful-angel like the professionals,but
when i do it i get a sense of calmness and peace.
and then since the seventh grade i aspired to be a Fashion Designer.
my mum was a seamstress for such a long time and since i could remember
she would let me help her with sewing.i love the creativity.
above all i love how it's your vision...it comes from your imagination.

xoxo

You'll see me crying 'cos i'm too crazy to be proud.

Yesterday i woke up with a rash under my chin.
i thought it would go away overnight,but this morning i woke up
with it even worst.it spread into my neck and arms :/
i dunno where i got it from;my skin is really sensitive which is why i can never
tell what i got it from.
so we'll see what happens.
i think later this week;most likely thursday,i will post pictures on here
of what's going to be in my bag for the HIM concert.afterwards i will
sleeping over at my sister's apartment.
so i'll be having loads of stuff in that bag,it's going to be the bag
that i made for my sewing class as the midterm.
so i'll finally show that one off :)

xoxo

Sama nainen.

I hate my stupid twisted mouth,always afraid of what comes out.
there's something wrong with my eyes too,'cos one is brown and the others blue.
my nose is all crooked to one side,my hair is tangled never right.
the only time i can sing in tune is when i sing a song for you.i am finally going to post a couple of pictures from
this week,such as my brother's birthday and today?
this morning i made some pink hot chocolate,which was really yummy!
so i have six more days 'til i see HIM <3
i literally feel like i am going to jump out of my skin haha.
it's been two years since i last saw them,and i was truly happy that day.
they just make me giddy and make me feel complete.
my baby girl Lucy :)
she really loves licking people.we all refer to her as the lover/sweetheart
of the house.she loves all and just loves to chill and be a part of the group.

xoxo